Ok. So. Here's the thing.

I'm fat.

Whew! I know, revelation time, right? That's totally hard to say. I'm hearing all the people who would pat me on the back and congratulate me for admitting that and wow, now I can start fixing my problem.

My problem.

As if being fat is like being an alcoholic. As if being fat is like being a chain smoker, or a drug addict, or a freaking *child molester*.

I'm not fat because I'm weak, or because I'm foolish, because I'm lazy or stupid or incapable of "facing reality". The reality that if I stay fat, I'll never have a good job, I'll never get complements, I'll never have a boyfriend or a girlfriend or a husband or wife, I'll never be accepted into groups at a party, I'll never be respected for what I say or how I say it, I'll never know what its like to fuck someone and not think about my stomach. I'll never win awards or be influential.

That is a reality most people accept as truth, except its not. Reality. I do have a boyfriend. I do have good friends. I am not lazy, I am not stupid, I am not someone you don't want to know. I'm fat, and this says ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ABOUT MY LIFE. I am fat, and I may always be fat. I am fat, and I am sick and tired of feeling bad about that.

I can feel bad about eating poorly, or not being active, because those are things that might legitimately impact my health. I can feel bad about being defensive or overly sensitive, because these are things that affect my relationships with other people. I can feel bad about passing up on job opportunities because I'm scared, because I need and want a job, and I deserve to have a life I'm happy about.

I do not deserve to be *made* to feel bad if my eating healthy and exercising does not result in my losing weight. I do not deserve to be made to feel as if I am responsible if people look at my boyfriend differently for being with me. I do not deserve to feel ok if he doesn't want to touch me in public, for fear of being looked at differently (he doesn't do this, but the point must be made.)

I am a healthy fat person. I have perfect blood pressure, I have normal cholesterol, even low for my age group. I have no heart problems, no bone or joint problems, no issues with my circulation or my sugar levels. I do not have diabetes, and I am not at risk for diabetes. I am healthy, and I am fat.

None of this is anybody's business but my own, and someday, I can only pray that it will be the truth, as a woman's body has become her own, or a black person's, or a queer person's. I am fat and I am sick of being a part of the last acceptably discriminated group.